I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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