Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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