Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
