So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
