she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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