i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
