Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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