I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
