so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
