Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
