Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
