i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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