I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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