the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
