You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
