hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize