Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
