Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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