Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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