apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
