I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize