He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
