Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize