Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
