He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
