Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
