every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
