Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
