i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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