she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
