Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
