It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
