Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
