i think my mom watched the whole time
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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