either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
