if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
