when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
