at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
