I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
