I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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