I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i will never coherently bang her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
