My hand turned me down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
