I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
