cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
