shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
