Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
