i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
