porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
