tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
