went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
