is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
