Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
