I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
