Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
