Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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