She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
