I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
