She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
