i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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