I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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