I have demons in me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
