i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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