her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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