Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize