The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
