The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
