I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
