So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
