some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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