i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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