I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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